please don’t let this jinx anything…

I have these two slightly crazy, yet persistent theories about my life:

#1: If I envision horrible things happening, they will not actually happen. Slightly OCD, maybe, but it’s followed me my whole life and I’ve learned to deal with it. Example: out of nowhere I have these horrible visions flash in my mind of falling down stairs, my apartment building or the house I grew up in burning down, my parents or other loved ones dying or getting hurt, etc. and then I rationalize the random and disturbing thought by thinking well, I suppose since I thought of it it won’t actually happen now.

#2 If I write too much about something good, it will get ruined. Seriously. Hear me out on this one. I have kept journals since the age of six, and there have actually been times when I’ve let my pen hover over the page for a few moments thinking that if I write a certain prediction/hope/dream/etc. down I will be jinxing it. Well, so far every time I have gone ahead and written about something in that sort of situation, it has been doomed to disaster. I completely realize how irrational this belief is; it’s just the natural course of life that most things don’t last forever.

The second theory is the one that is really getting to me right now because there are so many good things going on in my life that I want to write about. I just need to get over my fear of ruining things by overthinking them. I have to go pay some neglected family members a visit for the afternoon, but maybe by the time I get back I will have grown the guts to put it all down in writing.