Yup, I’ve been gone for longer than normal. I am finally taking a break to vent, because as I prepare to move tomorrow I can’t get this out of my head and I am seriously on the verge of tears over it. I keep trying to not think about it, but it’s not going away.
I am going to miss my students from my old job. I had several who will graduate next year, and I wish I could be involved in their senior year. I want to write them college recommendations, advise them, support them, and all of the teacherly things I normally do. I’ve had some of them multiple years, taught their siblings and neighbors, witnessed their coveted “ah-ha!” moments that propel them toward adulthood, and on and on. They’re my kids. And just walked away from all of it.
The worst part is that I never got to say goodbye or give them an explanation. It is so crucial for kids to have adults who they see as genuine, consistent, and trustworthy. I feel like I have betrayed so many people’s trust by suddenly taking a new job after the 06/07 school year ended. I even feel like I have betrayed parents who purposely place their kids in my classes. And don’t even get me started on how I’ve betrayed my colleagues.
In all honesty, at the moment I am almost regretting my decision. I am sure this will pass when I meet my new students/parents/colleagues in August, get moved into my beautiful new classroom (with windows!!! and storage!!!), start teaching (about 160 students last year, only about 70 or 80 this year! I can do so much more!!!), and get my first paycheck (20% raise!!!!!).
Ok. That’s it for now, back to packing up my entire apartment. Sigh.
Filed under: bitching, life coming at me fast, random, teaching
I can certainly empathize with what you are feeling right now. When I left the classroom (teaching English, nonetheless) about 5 years ago, there were definitely some bittersweet emotions floating around. I left to become an Administrator at a school across the city, and all during my first year I had those ‘WHY?’ moments. I got over it - and, now, I wouldn’t trade my newest experiences for all the tea in China - maybe, though, I’d consider trading them for a 20% raise
You’ll do well!
Thank you so much! Good luck to you too.